fun

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4 years 5 months

Posts: 2

A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.
Original post

Member for

8 years 6 months

Posts: 6,467

I left my last wife because she thought that cooking and bonking were two Chinese cities.
Profile picture for user Lincoln 7

Member for

9 years 4 months

Posts: 8,306

So I take it John, your second wife was Chinese, just so she knew what you were on about?. :highly_amused: Jim. Lincoln .7
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Member for

5 years 1 month

Posts: 1,613

So I take it John, your second wife was Chinese, just so she knew what you were on about?. :highly_amused:
She might not be Chinese, but she was purchased off the Internet all the same. :highly_amused:
Profile picture for user Lincoln 7

Member for

9 years 4 months

Posts: 8,306

I think Meddle, that John being the shrewed fellow he is, and with 1.3 Billion Chinese to choose from, you can bet she will be one smart cookie. Whi knows, shw may well join the Forum, and give YOU a run for your money...:D Jim. Lincoln .7

Member for

8 years 6 months

Posts: 6,467

Better by far than some of the two legged 'bargains' that could be found down the Edinburgh Mile ! Anyway Meddle aka Chuckle, you were the one moaning about humour deprivation - see what I've laid on for you. How did you rate my cocoanut joke ? Or, is it too painful ?

Member for

10 years 1 month

Posts: 2,535

I went out with a woman that was blind. You had to hand it to her.

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8 years 6 months

Posts: 6,467

The First Minister of Scotland, Nicola Sturgeon was being chauffeured home after attending a function. As the car rounded a bend the car struck and killed a cow crossing the road. Nicola said, you'd better go to that nearby farmhouse and ask for some help to move the beast. After all you were driving and I musn't get too involved. The chauffeur was gone for five hours. Nicola was furious. Where've you been she demanded? The chauffeur said that after an introduction and an explanation as to what had happened, the farmer broke out a bottle of Red Label, the wife cooked a superb meal and their young daughter took him into the guest bedroom and indulged in carnal recreation. Nicola asked him, what was it you said by way of explanation that gained this amount of attention ? The chauffeur said, I told him I was Nicola Sturgeon's chauffeur and I'd killed the cow.

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16 years 2 months

Posts: 8,505

Love it.

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13 years

Posts: 8,826

Beware what you feed the new wife, I found a food that's guaranteed to put them off sex, it's called wedding cake.

Member for

8 years 6 months

Posts: 6,467

I was in Sainsbury's the other day. Long queue at the checkout. I was buying a few tins of Doggy Treats for my dog.. The woman in front said: "Oh, you've got a doggy then", I was tempted to reply that the tins were for my pet rhino but, I had a bit of time on my hands and said: " No, I don't have a dog, I take this food myself because when I go on a doggy diet, it is very good for weight loss. I lost ten pounds in one week. I put a handful of the biscuits in my pocket and when I feel hungry, I have a couple". "Mind you I shouldn't because the last time I did this diet, I finished up in hospital in intensive care with tubes poking out of every orifice". The woman said: "Why was that dear, didn't Doggy Treats agree with you?" I said: "No it wasn't that. As I crossed the road, I bent down to sniff a Red Setters a##e and got run over. I'm barred from all the Sainsbury's in my local area.